51 Reasons I Can’t Go Out Tonight

If you don’t want to, or can’t, go out, it’s only polite to offer up a reason.

Between school, work, and half-baked brunch plans, we’ve all needed to, at one time or another, wriggle out of an obligation. Regardless of whether the cancellation is legitimate or flaky, it is sometimes necessary to justify one’s absence. The ‘Sorry, I’m sick,’ and ‘Family emergency’ excuses are so overused that despite any possible truth behind the justification, it invites doubt. A little creativity goes a long way towards smoothing over potential issues. The reasons listed below can be applied to almost any situation – but the use of each needs to be sold. Convey your regrets sincerely and firmly, and do not offer follow-up information. Good luck, and Godspeed.

1. Sorry, I made other plans.
2. I will be unreachable at that time.
3. Per your last email, I do not offer this service any longer.
4. I just saw a photo of [handsome celebrity] and I need to lie down.
5. I have some personal issues. Make gestures implying menstruation.
6. Uber surge prices are crazy right now.
7. I ate a burrito and now I cannot move.
8. My beliefs mandate strict silence on that day.
9. I’m too upset about CNN’s latest article.
10. I already took my bra off.
11. I need to reevaluate my stain-fighting methods.
12. There are children starving in Africa.
13. I’m giving up alcohol for the month.
14. I have a think tank meeting.
15. I’m not fit to be seen in public.
16. Baby powder is linked to ovarian cancer and I’m entitled to financial compensation.
17. I don’t know where my phone is.

    

18. I said “you too,” when the ticket person said “enjoy your movie.”
19. Crying, indistinct mumbling, wild gesturing
20. DARE told me not to.
21. My horoscope says otherwise.
22. Just send me the notes.
23. I need to source new vintage clothing.
24. WebMD says I’m contagious.
25. There is a dog asleep on me.
26. I need an early start on Christmas shopping.
27. Did the pope’s claim to primacy cause the western Catholic and Eastern Orthodox schisms?
28. With this weather?
29. The first day of a period is always the hardest.
30. I promised to help my friends move.
31. My Roomba trashed my apartment.
32. Kanye. Shrug
33. Anything I say or do may be used against me in a court of law.
34. I need to finish up the bananas I bought a couple days ago before they go bad.
35. My last date went terribly.
36. I’m working on my bucket list.
37. Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise? I thought not. It’s not a story the Jedi would tell you.
38. I don’t want to embarrass you.
39. Think of the children!
40. I am a sovereign citizen.
41. I’m not sure about my workload right now.
42. My fridge needs to be cleaned out.
43. I need to do damage control.
44. I’m doing my civic duty.
45. Have you seen the crime statistics?
46. My phone is on 5%.
47. I’m channeling my inner Julia Child.
48. I need ‘me time.’
49. I do not recognize your authority.
50. I’m not sure where the beef is.
51. What happens when you cross a pun with a rhetorical question?

+1. There’s moderate to severe delays due to signal problems at Kendall station.

Veuillez recevoir, Madame, mes sincères salutations