There’s a tiny piece of me that believes the end of the world will be marked by a Zombie outbreak.
Zombie outbreaks and real-life Zombie diseases have been extensively written about. In the most rational part of my mind, I understand a Zombie outbreak cannot happen. The rest of me watches commuters on the 8AM bus; I’m fairly certain we’re not far off from Zombies already.
There are entrenched societal beliefs that the universe will come to an end. Many theories exist on how this will happen. These theories range from Christ’s second coming, to Heat Death (The Big Freeze), or perhaps the End Times have come and gone. One thing I know that will remain, despite the pending collapse of the natural world, are my government-issued student loans. I’m certain Sallie Mae will have me working the nigh shift to pay off post-apocalypse loans.
There is a subset of people who believe in an apocalyptic scenario, and they seem to over-enthusiastically prepare for End Times. It can provide great entertainment to rubberneck at these “preppers;” there was, at one time, a television show on the topic, called Doomsday Preppers. These doomsday “preppers” purchase kits for outfitting bunkers with food and supplies. Manuals exist on how to survive and thrive in a post-apocalyptic world. Blog posts have been created on how to repurpose household items for survival purposes. There are even coloring pages introduce the topic at a young age!
In the vein of the coloring page I released, I would like to introduce the best tchotchkes to include in a bugout bag. After all, there’s no time like the present to start your doomsday prepping – pack like there’s no tomorrow!
Recommended List of Bugout Bag Items:
This will make you easy to spot for miles around! Friends or foes can find you through a dimly-lit forest. No worries; you’re just signaling that you have plenty of stuff to share.
You will need a sharp item to cut through brush, or kill your food. Be sure the knife is as large as possible for maximum effectiveness; everyone will know you’re not one to be messed with. A small blade would not allow you to defend yourself properly [against Zombies].
Don’t fuss with a water purification system. Those have chemicals in them; there’s even concerns about those systems’ effects on the sexuality of amphibians. Not only will carrying full gallon jugs protect our amphibian friends, it will tone your arms, too.
In the event of total economic collapse, paper money will be worthless. Gold will be the only useful currency. It’s too solid to be damaged, like paper, and it will be in high demand when it comes time to forge wedding rings for those post-apocalyptic nuptials.
The idiom “take two Tylenol and call me in the morning” exists for a reason. There’s no need for kits with gauze, tape, and antihistamines – they just take up too much space. A Ziploc with some Advil or Aleve is all you need! Besides, if you need more than a simple pain reliever, the Zombies will make a quick end to you anyway, eliminating the need for more advanced medical care.
Matches can get wet, and lighters are too small. A blow torch can start a fire quickly, and your fuel will be readily accessible. In the event of damp clothing, quickly dry it by aiming the blow torch carefully to evaporate the water – two uses for the price of one.
At some point you will need to cook a meal, and you’ll have to do it on a stove – microwaves probably won’t have any power after global EMPs. Have a solid cooking pot into which you can put all your food. It also doubles as a helmet!
There’s no need to carry bulky maps or compasses – the GPS on a phone will be able to pinpoint your location. Make sure you also have a charger with you – maybe two. For additional power, it is prudent to have external batteries with you. Of course, in the event of an EMP, this advice is worthless.
Don’t worry too much about packing food, as plants and animals will be readily available. If you choose to pack food items, be sure to pack high-nutrient items, like avocados, lean proteins such as turkey or pork tenderloin, and beans. For convenience, consider packing canned items. You only need a small donkey to aid you here. Otherwise, you’ll need to be plant-wise to feed yourself. If you come across a plant and you’re unsure if it’s safe to eat, chew a portion of it slowly – you have pain killers in case something goes wrong.
Including all of these items fills up a bugout bag quickly. Fortunately, you will be able to loot and barter for supplies. If you don’t have everything on this list, don’t worry. This list is designed for Joe and Jane Everyday; people just like you and me. There might be other recommendations out there with labels stating “serious preppers only;” don’t be confused if these lists don’t match.
If there’s any Apocalypse prepping you feel I missed, drop me a line on Twitter!
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